


This diary belongs to Mark Lee

by haecha



Category: NCT (Band)
Genre: Fluff, Johnny appears for a few seconds, M/M, Mark Lee (NCT) is Whipped, Mutual Pining, Oneshot, Pining, Very Secret Diary, but it’s cute and soft yeah !!, cursing but not a lot, kinda mark centric, mark is 20 hyuck is 19 but it’s not important tbh, markhyuck, the plot is a bit cliché ??
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-07-07
Updated: 2020-07-07
Packaged: 2021-03-04 23:00:51
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,735
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/25114300
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/haecha/pseuds/haecha
Summary: 20 year old Mark Lee owns a diary. That's not weird, right? He keeps it in a secret place, which spoiler alert! is his bed. It's tucked under his pillow. You didn't hear it from me, though.It's his prized possession. It holds his emotions, the ups and downs, the good and the bad, but most importantly, his thoughts and memories about his long-term crush, Donghyuck.Nobody is allowed to touch it, smell it, see it, even thinking about it is very much off-limits. An- Woah! You just thought about it. You thought about Mark Lee's super secret diary! I'll let you off with a warning this time.. just make sure to never ever do it again.
Relationships: Lee Donghyuck | Haechan & Mark Lee, Lee Donghyuck | Haechan/Mark Lee
Comments: 4
Kudos: 71





	This diary belongs to Mark Lee

**Author's Note:**

> The text in italics are Mark’s diary entries !!!

_Love is a powerful, yet such a fragile thing. When you’re in love, it can feel like you’re on top of the world. When you’re in love, you can also feel weak and small. To some it’s a thing that doesn’t exist, when to some it’s everything, to them finding true love is their purpose in life. I’d say I’m neither of those. Mostly because I think I’ve already found my true love. His name is Lee Donghyuck. And I’m in love with him. I just don’t know if he loves me too. Romantic movies have always made loving look beautiful and soft. You have to remind yourself it’s not only that. It can also be gut-wrenching, it can be frustrating, weird, fun, humiliating, it can be almost anything that comes to mind. For me, it’s a mix of everything. Sometimes I feel confident that the feeling is mutual, sometimes I feel like giving up completely, because to be honest, loving is tiring. Especially when you’re not sure if your feelings are or could be reciprocated. I’m still not used to being so overwhelmed by emotions, even though it’s been over a year now. I think. If I were more of a sappy, lovey-dovey, brings you flowers and chocolates on the first date kind of person, I probably would’ve counted the days but I’m not. Or am I? It’s funny how-_

“Mark, what are you writing?”

Donghyuck comes closer to Mark and lets himself fall on the bed face-first. "Oh um, this?", Mark asks, adjusting his glasses and looking at Donghyuck who was now laying next to him. With no response, he continues with an awkward smile, "Just a thing. What's up?"

Donghyuck answers Mark's question but it comes out muffled. He can't be bothered to move and answer the question again — not that the answer would’ve been anything important anyway. Mark moves his diary away, placing it under his pillow so there wouldn't be a risk of the other even catching a glimpse of the text - Mark thinks it would be the end of his life. "Oh yeah, wanna watch a movie?”, Mark asks and turns to Donghyuck who was now laying on his back, staring at the ceiling blankly. Mark continues, "I found a few new ones online". Donghyuck turns his gaze to Mark. The latter is wiggling his eyebrows, probably in hopes of persuading him to suffer for the nth time. Maybe secretly it’s not as bad as he makes it seem. Maybe because it makes Mark happy.

"I hope it isn't one of your sappy love stories again." Donghyuck groans, which comes out way too theatrical for it to be taken seriously.

"Come on! I really think you'll like it this time.”

"Fine. I don't wanna sit on your small bed and squint at a phone screen for two hours straight though, definitely not good for my precious health, Mark."

"May I suggest the living room then, your highness?"

"I thought you'd never ask."

_I think the phrase “I love you” has become too casual. Me and Donghyuck have exchanged those words. He didn’t mean it like I did although sometimes I pretend like he did. When I say those words, I want him to know that I’ll be by his side forever and I’d do anything to see him happy. I would steal the stars from the night sky. I would even let him go if that would make him happy. I think he doesn’t realize how precious he is to me. Maybe the way I think about him is the way he thinks about other people. That’s scary to even think about. I don’t want to think about that. Loving him is scary, so scary, but I hope that in the very end it’ll be worth it._

  
As it's getting closer to midnight, the characters on the TV screen are still in denial and fighting about something irrelevant. At least to Donghyuck it's irrelevant, he doesn't really care about romantic movies, he's more of an action type of person, so obviously - he's feeling a bit bored. Not that he doesn't enjoy Mark's company, he just doesn't enjoy his taste in movies. It’s always the same, in the end the guy gets the girl, the girl gets the girl, the guy gets the guy, whatever. Donghyuck is tired of it, he hates romance on TV, he hates seeing everyone so happy and lovey-dovey on TV, he’s totally fed up with it! What about the people who are constantly stuck in the not-really-friendzone-because-I’m-too-shy-to-confess-so-I-don’t-know-zone? It’s all just so unfair.

_ Today, the lyrics “Loving you feels like I’m dreaming” have been on my mind nonstop. Sometimes loving him really does feels like a dream I never want to wake up from, and sometimes it feels like a nightmare, something I can’t escape even if I wanted to. Don’t get me wrong, I love him and I love being in love with him, but not knowing is the worst! I hate this stage of crushing, I call it the don’t-be-obvious-stage, and the thing that makes it worse is that I’ve been in this stage for a year! Mental note to self: don’t do this for anyone else but Donghyuck, for him it might just be worth it. Today I thought to myself, am I a bit weird? Like, is this all a bit obsessive? But then again, I have to have an outlet for my emotions somewhere... so I guess I’m alright. I guess. One day I’ll be a brave man and confess to him but that day is definitely not today!   
_

Donghyuck has had enough of the movie. In order to get away from it, he tells Mark that he has to go to the bathroom. Maybe he feels a bit bad about leaving Mark there alone, but at the same time he’s sure the other will hardly notice he left. He’s too invested in the storyline. He always gets too invested in his movies. Donghyuck admires that about him, the way he can zone out for the whole duration of the movie, the way he gets excited about small things, his face when the couple gets reunited, his expressions when he talks about the plot and the characters afterwards, Donghyuck thinks it’s cute. You’ll catch him dead before he’d say that to his face, though. Donghyuck walks out of the room, to the direction of the bathroom. “Stupid,” Donghyuck huffs, “It’s so stupid”. As he reaches the end of the hallway he looks into Mark’s room and sees something under his pillow that piques his interest. It’s red. It’s under Mark’s pillow. He slowly gets closer to it. He hesitates, knowing he shouldn’t touch his belongings without him there. At the end curiosity gets the best of him.

  
  


Mark slowly opens his eyes, the direct sunlight peeking through the blinds on his window hurts his eyes, making him squint. He doesn’t have his glasses on so he blindly reaches for his diary to write about last night's events - although nothing special happened, he still wants to keep the "memory" alive by gushing about his crush and the time they spent together for the nth time. He doesn't feel anything under his pillow. Weird. He lifts his pillow in hopes of seeing it there, maybe in a weird position or place but still, there. Nope. Nowhere to be seen.

He looks under his bed. There’s also nothing — except for a few tissues and some dust. He reminds himself to clean more often. He checks every single place in his room, every nook and cranny, but still, nothing. It’s like it just vanished into thin air. Did he accidentally place it somewhere without really thinking about it? Did someone clean the room and throw it away, thinking it wasn’t important? No, that’s not possible — he remembers the dust under the bed. What makes it worse is that nobody knows about his special diary. He can’t go and ask. He doesn’t want people knowing about it because he knows humans are curious beings. They would go and read it when they were bored. They would laugh a bit, put it back, but accidentally blurt out something to Donghyuck and then Mark would be screwed. He would totally be screwed. Mark really needs to find it. Oh, and come up with a better hiding place for it. Thinking back, under the pillow is a shitty place to hide something so important! He could hide it under the mattress, on the bookshelf, or! He could put it in his closet! Before settling on a hiding place for his precious diary, he really does need to find it first.

Mark’s panic mode settles in, and he runs out of his room, only to be greeted with Johnny standing in front of the mirror doing god knows what — admiring himself? For a split second, he forgets his secret. So, he blurts out something he might regret later. 

"This is really bad. This is really really bad. Where's my fucking diary, Johnny? Did you fucking take it?”

Johnny looks taken aback by the aggressive statement, but laughs it off. “Woah woah woah! I’m not that kind of guy, Mark. You should know that.”

Mark scratches his head, realizing he made the situation awkward, what could he say to make the awkwardness disappear? Before he can open his mouth, Johnny continues. “So we really have to find it, huh?”

After a full day of searching, Mark decides to call it off. It’s officially gone. He doesn’t know how to deal with the loss of his very special diary. So, he retreats to his room to mourn. Others might say he’s being dramatic, but he disagrees. Mark lays on his bed sideways, face upside down, feet dangling on the other side, his slightly overgrown hair covering his eyes, all of that just doesn’t matter to him. All he wants right now is to get his special book back. Worst case scenarios are running through his mind, what if someone sells it to a publishing company and they start selling it, Mark’s very own, very secret diary, in bookstores worldwide? What if the book thief knows Donghyuck and told him everything about the diary, about Mark’s feelings, about how his very own best friend is in love with him? What if it’s all public knowledge now? It’s all too much, this shouldn’t be happening to Mark right now.

It takes almost an hour of persuading, but Johnny eventually manages to get Mark out of his room. Mark has barely eaten anything the whole day, this diary situation has taken a huge toll on him.

“Maybe this is a sign, a sign for me, a 20 year old man, to stop writing a diary”, Mark sighs, stirring the cereal in his bowl while Johnny peeks to look at him from the sofa in the living room. “Why would your age matter, Mark?” 

“I don’t know”, he says and rests his head on the table as a sign of exhaustion. He just wants this terrible day to be over already. The doorbell rings. Johnny smirks, as he has planned this to happen. He invited the only person who can make him happy, especially in times like these.

“It looks like you have guests, Mark.”

Confused, Mark goes to open the door. Why are they having guests with no notice and at this time? His confusion almost disappears when he finds Donghyuck standing there, fidgeting with the straps of his backpack, looking like a deer in the headlights. Why is he looking so awkward? They hung out yesterday.

“Um hi Mark, I heard about the whole diary situation. I’m so sorry Mark..” Donghyuck says, suddenly afraid to hold eye contact so instead he just stares at the ground. “It’s alright, Donghyuck-ah. I should’ve looked after it better”. Mark says that, when truthfully, it’s not alright. The countless hours he has spent on that diary, the amount of words he has written in it, the emotions he’s poured into his special diary, all just gone to waste. It all just feels so wrong. “No, I really am sorry. I’m so sorry,” Donghyuck glances to hold eye contact with Mark for a split second before turning his gaze back to the ground, “I wouldn’t have taken it if I had known. Curiosity just got the best of me and I know that’s not an excuse but I just wanted to come here and apologize. I know it’s not my place to say this but-” Donghyuck rambles while crouching down to dig through his backpack, “-I hope you can forgive me, Mark”.

He finds what he had been looking for and hands the diary to it’s rightful owner.

Mark stays silent. For a while, nothing happens. Donghyuck zips up his backpack and puts it on while Mark just stares. Donghyuck, too afraid to even look at Mark, feels the latter’s eyes on him, and if the younger were to describe the feeling with one word, it would most certainly be ‘uncomfortable’.

“You’re forgiven.”

“Hm?”

“I’m not angry at you. I’m just glad you gave it back to me.”

After hearing that, Donghyuck gathers up the courage to glance at Mark who to his surprise, had a calm look on his face. “If it’s alright, I have something to give you-“ Donghyuck said, a shy smile appearing on his face, “-like as an apology, if it’s okay?” to which Mark nods and answers, “Of course, come in”.

“Do you have a glue stick?”

  
  


When they arrive at the “crime scene” aka Mark’s bedroom, Donghyuck grabs his backpack and fetches a piece of paper folded into a small square.

“What’s that?” Mark asks with a curious look on his face.

Donghyuck smiles warmly while unfolding the paper which makes Mark smile too.

Once he's sitting on the older's bed again, Donghyuck turns the creased piece of paper around so he can put glue on the other side, then sticks it on the front cover of the book.

Mark adjusts his glasses to read what the paper says. He can tell it’s not his handwriting. Is it Donghyuck’s?

_Love is a powerful, yet such a fragile thing. When you’re in love, it can feel like you’re on top of the world. When you’re in love, you can also feel weak and small. To some it’s a thing that doesn’t exist, when to some it’s everything, to them finding true love is their purpose in life. I’d say I’m neither of those. Mostly because I think I’ve already found my true love. His name is Lee Donghyuck. And I’m in love with him._

What's this? Is Donghyuck mocking Mark's diary entry? After everything they've been through together? The laughs and the tears, the good and the bad, what is going on? If this is rejection, Mark wasn't expecting it to be this confusing. 

When he’s almost finished reading the text on the paper, his eyes land on the final sentence. It's written in a much smaller style, the text looks a bit wonky, like the writer's hand was shaking, almost like the person was feeling ...shy? 

_And finally, I know that Donghyuck is in love with me too._

Mark feels a smile growing on his lips. His hands are getting a bit sweaty. He's seen this happen in countless films, he wasn’t expecting it to happen to him. Why does he feel helpless? He should know what to do. Right now he should be capturing Donghyuck in a sweet kiss, holding him in his embrace as the ending credits slowly start to roll. The audience would wipe the tears running down their cheeks as a love song plays in the background. But here he is. In dead silence, still right beside the person he's loved from afar for so long, who just might've confessed to him. Actually, he definitely did confess to Mark. Lee Donghyuck just reciprocated his feelings. After a period of silence which felt a bit uncomfortable, at least to Donghyuck, he gathers just the right amount of courage so that the words "Is it true? The last thing you wrote?" escape his lips.

He looks at Donghyuck still sitting next to him. The same warm smile Mark is used to is still visible on his face as he nods.

"But don't let it go to your head too much, Markie." 

**Author's Note:**

> did you notice that the diary entries stop when donghyuck “borrows” the book from mark? :DDD
> 
> p.s. did u like it??? did u like it??? u did?? oh i'm so glad!!! tysm for reading!!! this is the first story i’ve published on ao3 in almost two years i definitely feel like i’ve improved .... anyways i hope the rest of ur day/night is great <333


End file.
